Just fell off a train. Bad.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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