he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize