He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
