I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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