I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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