So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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