woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
