Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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