I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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