At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
