either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
