the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
