Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
