You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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