U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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