im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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