It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
