We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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