Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
