how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
