Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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