I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize