There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
