Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
