Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
