he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
