are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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