she looked like the before picture.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
