the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize