shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
