i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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