is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
