me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
