batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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