im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
