I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
