dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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