Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
