I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
