just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
