just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize