So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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