I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
