i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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