Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
