my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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