Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
