I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
