if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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