grandma shit on top of the toilet
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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