Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize