it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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