got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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