Say something about gay babies.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize