So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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