yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
