I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
