Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
