I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize