i just made my gag reflex go away.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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