slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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