Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
