please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
