I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize