Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am one with the molecules
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
