You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
