I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize