You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
There's even glitter on my cock...
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