i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
