I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
