New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
