Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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