I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize