I think I am morally bankrupt
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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