At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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